Seems like every time I submit a book to a prospective publisher, I go through a series of reactions. First, I research who I want to submit to, and then I polish my proposal. Next comes the sending. My finger hoovers over the send button or my hand clenches the envelope tighter as it rests on the mail slot. Why? Is it that hard for me to let go of this story? Am I so terrified of possible rejection? I'm not really sure, I guess you could say it's a combination of many factors.
I sweat. My stomach tightens and nausea burns deep in my belly. My hands tremble and I can't think straight. Each breath is a burden to my body. Am I doing the right thing to send this off? How will I react if I receive the dreaded rejection? I can imagine the joy I'll feel if the story is accepted, but a rejection, what will I do?
It's the thought that someone is going read what is deep in my heart then possibly decide it's not what they want. More questions work their way into my mind. Will they think I am a total idiot or a complete loser for sending this trash to them? They'll remember me as the one author they don't want anything else from. Nope, not her. Never again. Then I remember the stories I've sent that have since gone on to publication. My editors with each one have praised my writing and want anything I write. This one factor keeps me going.
Do I have an answer for why I feel this way? Looking far in the past, I have to say my confidence with my writing has always suffered. People close to me have never really read a lot and had a hard time believing in me and my ability. Because of this, I have severe doubts about my talent.
It's taken me years to work through these doubts. So do I send this book in or do I give up? No, I will not give up. I've worked too hard to fulfill my dream. It's taken me a long time to build my confidence enough to seek publication and I won't let my self doubts stop me.
In that second, strength rises in my heart and I press the send button or release the envelope. The package is sent. The deed done and I can not take it back. Does it make me feel better? Not really, the physical reactions are still there but with each submission, I become a little stronger and my confidence increases a bit more.
Does anyone else struggle with submitting works? What kinds of reactions do you have and how do you work through them?